


Farewell, My Love

by KassandraScarlett



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Death, Episode: s15e20 Carry On, Gen, M/M, Role Reversal, Shippy Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:01:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27737314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KassandraScarlett/pseuds/KassandraScarlett
Summary: Sam is the one who dies that night. A part of Dean dies with him.
Relationships: Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester
Comments: 8
Kudos: 62





	Farewell, My Love

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know that I'm entirely happy with how this turned out, but it was bugging me and I needed to get it out of my system.

Out of the corner of his eye, Dean could see Sam pressed up against the pillar, trying to hold his attacker off. A second later, he was there, slicing the vamp-mime's head off in a smooth swing. 

Sam let out a sharp breath, eyes closing for a second as he tilted his head back. 

Dean looked him over quickly. His jacket had fallen open, so it was easy to see that there was no blood staining the white tee under it. No visible injuries, except Sam had a hand pressed lightly to his sternum so there was probably some bruising there. He breathed a sigh of relief and tucked the machete into his belt. 

"We need to get those kids out of here," Sam murmured. 

"Yeah." Dean looked around. "I don't think either needs a hospital or anything. Come on, we should-"

"Dean."

"Yeah?"

Sam looked at him with half-lidded eyes. "I, uh, I think… There's something in… In my back. It…"

Dean felt a stab of fear as he approached him quickly. 

"Feels like it's right through me," Sam murmured, just as Dean reached around to touch the small of his back. His fingers came away wet with blood. 

A sharp word of denial rang in his ears. It took him a second to realize it was only in his head, just a memory.  He forced himself back to the present, out of the cold mud and into the warmth of the barn. "Okay. Okay, I got you, uh, let's just, let's get more comfortable."

He held Sam as gently as he could, trying to lift his body off the rebar.

Sam let him try for a second, but groaned in pain. "Don't, don't move me," he gasped. "This is all that's holding me together."

_ No, it's killing you,  _ Dean wanted to snap. But he swallowed. "Okay. Okay, I'll get the first aid kit…" Even as he said it, he knew there was no time. Sam was… Sam was…  He ended up rooted to the spot, wanting to do something even if it was in vain, but not wanting to leave Sam's side now. 

Sam met his wide-eyed gaze. "Okay. Okay, then,” he breathed out, never looking away. “You need to get those kids out of here.”

“No, no, no, no.” Dean shook his head. “Sam,  _ we  _ are getting them out-”

“This is what we always wanted,” Sam cut in, still too gentle. “Going out on a job, guns blazing, saving people.”

“Yeah,  _ together _ ,” Dean insisted through grit teeth, He moved closer, unable even now to allow distance between them. “We're supposed to do it  _ together _ .”

“And we did,” Sam reminded. “We’ve had a good, long run, Dean.”

“It’s not enough.”

“Never said it was.” Sam’s arm lifted, fingers dancing up Dean’s neck to cup his face, drawing him closer.

Dean let himself be pulled in, blinking back the abrupt haziness in his vision. “Sammy…”

“Thank you,” Sam breathed out raggedly, his own eyes sharp and bright despite his wavering voice. “Thank you. For coming to school that day, for taking me with you…” A little laugh escaped him.

It broke Dean’s heart, just another jagged splinter to add.

“Best decision I ever made,” Sam whispered. “Getting back on the road with you. I never told you that, did I?”

Dean couldn’t hold back a sob. He shook his head, unsure if he was replying to Sam’s question or trying to block it all out. “Let me fix this,” he argued weakly. “Please, just… I can save you, let me-”

“Not this time, Dean,” Sam said, breath hitching. His fingers twitched against Dean’s cheek. “You’ve done it our whole lives, even- even when we were kids, you were always saving me, always protecting me, al- always a superhero, my big brother.” He took a deep breath, then winced, lips clamping shut, like he knew that hearing him whimper in pain would only haunt Dean’s coming nights. “You were my hero,” he repeated, unable to hide how difficult it was getting for him. “Still are- never stopped. But you can’t, okay? You can’t. Not this time. It never goes well.”

“I don’t care.” Dean reached out, grabbing Sam’s jacket and trying not to jostle him in his desperation. “I don’t care what happens later, just don’t leave me.” His voice broke on the last word and he closed his eyes, bowing his head so he could pretend they were back in their bed, safe and alive and happy. “D- don’t leave me, please. I can’t do this without you.”

Sam’s hand slid down to Dean’s chest, covered his heart. “Look at me,” he said, trying to be firm, but failing. “Look… Dean, look at me.”

Dean looked up.

“You’re the strongest person I’ve ever known.” Sam’s eyes were fluttering faster, like it was getting harder to keep them open. “You can do this. And you’ll be okay. I promise. You’ve always believed me before, Dean, believe me now. You’re gonna be okay.”

“I don’t want to be.”

“Try.” Sam actually smiled, just a sweet curve that made him seem a little younger. “Please. Just try.”

“H-how?” Dean stared incredulously. “How am I supposed to do that?”

“Just let me go,” Sam told him. “Let me go, Dean, please.” A shudder passed through him. And suddenly his tone turned pleading. “Please let me go. You’ll be okay, just keep living, keep fighting. Please. Please keep fighting, promise me you’ll keep fighting. Please.”

Not for the first or last time, Dean hated how weak he was in the face of Sam begging. There was nothing else he could do, he realized. He couldn’t change this, couldn’t do anything to reverse it. He’d promised himself once, just a few years ago, that he’d never hurt Sam again. And he couldn’t break it, not now.

“Dean…”

Dean swallowed back his tears. He stepped even closer, breathing in Sam’s scent, trying to memorize the feel of him. “I love you,” he whispered, so soft it might as well be silence, but if this was his last chance to say it… “So much.”

Sam’s smile was suddenly blinding, though still small and weak. He leaned in, shivering slightly, resting his forehead against Dean. “It’s gonna be okay, Dean,” he murmured.

Dean found his hand and squeezed. A beat passed, then another. Sam’s hand slipped from his grasp. There was a puff of warm air on his lips. Then Sam’s cheek was resting on his shoulder. 

And Dean broke. He couldn’t scream, he couldn’t break something, he couldn’t yell or rage, he couldn’t even pray. So he cried, body wracked with sobs as he cradled the back of Sam’s head, an arm wrapped around his shoulders like he was still protecting him, like there was anything left to protect him from.

Or maybe it was the other way around. Maybe it was that as long as Dean stayed here, face hidden in the crook of Sam’s neck, he could pretend his heart wasn’t shattered on the floor. That it was still whole and beating. Still alive.

**Author's Note:**

> Dean does try to keep his promise, if only to honour Sam. How successful he actually will be, whether he dies of old age or gets himself killed on a hunt, is up for interpretation.
> 
> My Tumblr: kassyscarlett


End file.
